


the more i do, the less i know

by hooksandheroics



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 22:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18397418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hooksandheroics/pseuds/hooksandheroics
Summary: What if yesterday was five years ago?





	the more i do, the less i know

“I never had to date you, did you know that?”

The five-year old couch feels rough against Scott’s back now that it meets him shirtless, but the warmth and softness of Tessa’s skin against his chest makes him stay. If not forever, then just for a few more minutes. Or until it starts getting cold again and she gets impatient and grabs the blanket that got lost somewhere between him trying to take her bra off and her trying to wrangle his shirt from his head.

He still feels the tingling in his toes that he comes to know as the After-Tessa effect. But his heart is hammering in his chest right under her ear, so there’s that. He can’t escape the fact that she makes him feel all these things.

The white ceiling taunts him to answer, but he keeps his mouth shut. He knows that she’s not yet done, with the way her nails are running back and forth the hickey she just gave him.

“It was just… simple.”

He can’t help it, he snorts. “I don’t think there’s anything simple about us, T. Not from what I remember.”

She chuckles and it feels really good against his chest. He wants her to do it again. “No, I meant – I never – we never had to get to know each other.”

He shifts so that he can look at the top of her head. “Twenty years, yeah.” He sighs and pulls her in closer. “Do you want to… date I mean? Or get to know each other? Whichever?”

Tessa makes this tiny noise at the back of her throat, the same noise she makes when she’s trying to suppress an emotion, whatever it is. “No, not like that. I just… it was so easy to love you when I… learned to just let it happen.”

Scott loves hearing that. Tessa loves him, he loves hearing that. He loves her when she’s babbling and loose with her thoughts, it reminds him of all the times they _knew_ what it is that’s between them but are afraid to say the words, makes this whole thing stand out even brighter in his memories.

Which is why three nights later, her living room is draped with fairy lights and candles, and he’s wrestling with a wine bottle, waiting for her to come home. He’s thinking about fire hazards and his brothers as he pours two glasses of wine when she comes in, looking all frantic and –

“Tess?”

“Lydia said you were doing something weird – I had to – what is this?”

He smiles. She worries too much sometimes, and Lydia, their middle-aged next-door neighbor, always tells the most outrageous version of any story.

“It’s a date,” Scott replies, simply. He plops down on the sofa, the same one they had sex in three nights ago, and offers her the glass he was pouring the wine in just seconds ago. “You said you wanted to date. You said you wanted us to get to know each other. Here you go, Tessa and Scott’s first date.”

When he looks up at her again, there are tears in her eyes, and it takes him a couple seconds to see that they’re not of happiness. “Tess?” he moves to reach out to her and she takes his hand immediately. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Scott,” she almost sobs. His fingers come up to her cheeks to wipe the tears, they come away dark with her mascara, but he knew this. He knew it’s going to run. “That was five years ago.”

His thoughts come to a stop, halting like a broken movie, and he stands there staring at Tessa.

“Do you remember last night?” she asks, her grip tight around his wrist.

Scott looks away, tries to remember last night.

Yeah, last night. They were in this sofa… making out. No. Wait, that was three nights ago. Three – last night, they were in bed sleeping. No.

“Scott, last night, we had pizza in this Italian place and you hated it.” Tessa makes him look at her when he doesn’t even notice that he’s looked away in confusion. “Do you remember this morning?”

No. No, he doesn’t. What’s happening? He shakes his head.

“This morning, you called your mom and told her you love her.” Her tears have stopped, but his eyes feel too hot. “And then you called your girlfriend to check up on her.”

Her thumbs are rubbing under his eyes. “Two years ago, you got into a car accident. You hit your head pretty hard that it made you forget things. But when you woke up, you said you wanted to stay with me here. In Montreal.”

“We’re not…” he doesn’t know why he’s trying to ask what he’s trying to ask, doesn’t feel like it’s top priority at the moment, but his head is aching and his heart is racing under her palm and the only thing he wants right now is to _date_ her.

“Scott,” she says again. “You have a girl waiting back home.”

She tells him this as if she’s told him this before, he hears the scars in her voice, the callouses in her tone. Like her heart has broken a million times over – it must have, he must have done this a thousand times, she must have seen him in this state over and over again. He asked to stay with her here – he did this to her.

“Tess, I’m sorry.” He couldn’t help it, his knees buckle, and soon he’s back on the sofa, trembling with guilt and anger. He notes remotely the way she sits next to him, hand rubbing his heaving back. “I fucked it up. I shouldn’t have – I’m hurting you – I’m sorry.”

“No, please, don’t say that.” She’s crying again. He did this to her. “You’re my best friend. I love you and I will do this for you a million times over if it meant that I never lose you.”

The last five years are lost to him and all he can remember is loving Tessa. Would it be selfish of him to admit that he doesn’t want to know how they got here? If it meant they had broken what they had, would it really be that bad to just… never ask for those memories back?

He doesn’t tell her any of this, just lets her hold him until they’re both breathing slow. She gets up quietly and blows out all the candles, shooting him a smirk. “You know, your brothers are fire fighters. Would hate to call them just because you were trying to be romantic.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “Next time, I’m using fake candles.”

The words are out of his mouth before he can even think about them, and he waits for a second for her reaction to sour, but she just rolls her eyes at him and sits back down next to him when she’s done with all of them.

“Next time, try not to ruin me for other men.”

Their hands intertwine and his soul feels at ease. If he gets those memories back, would it overshadow all of this? He hopes not. He loves her the same as he did that night, five years ago. He doubts it ever changed.

**Author's Note:**

> would love to know what you thought! leave a kudos or a comment or come yell at me on twitter @hooksandheroics


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